Go To See Film, We Shall

Quite an early start for the weekend today as we're off to Heathrow to meet my parents before they fly off for 3 weeks of fun in the sun - lucky buggers.

After a quick trip down the motorway we arrive unscathed and not long after a little bit of hanging around my parents finally make it through check in and we go and have brunch before they enter the point of no return, i.e. the departure lounge.

By 11.30 ish we're heading back to the short stay car park with I have to say a little bit of intrepid fear knowing that the hour and a bit that we've been inside the terminal somehow cumulates into an extortionate money laundering exercise on behalf of the NCP car park - yes, one and a bit hour's worth of parking somehow equates to £7.30 in exuberant spending - money which IMHO could have been better spent elsewhere. Nevermind though, it was worth it to see my parents - it's always nice to see them when I get a chance.

Heading home we decide that since we're going past the UCI cinema we might as well pop in a catch a movie whilst were in this neck of the woods, and Star Wars Episode 3 : Revenge of the Sith gets the thumbs up this time around.

Tickets, pop, sweets and popcorn in hand we head of to screen one thousand and twenty seven (seriously, they are going to have to start handing out maps if these multiplex monsters get any bigger!). Its only 12.30 in the afternoon so the cinema is relatively quiet, but I was most miffed when it seems I get some bloke sitting next to me, quite uninvited (nope, I ain't talking about Phil ;)).

It's insane... the cinema is only about 1/4 full, there are tonnes of free seats. Phil and I are quite happily sitting in the middle of one of the rows, of which there are at least 15 other rows unoccupied. Anyway this bloke not only makes us stand up so he can get to the seat next to me, he then tries to ratify his disturbance by saying "Star wars?" - no bloody Einstein, its not, it's Spongebob Squarepants - what do you think? Sheeshh.....

The film eventually starts, and about 30 mins into it (oh I think thats sort of after the first battle scene - how long winded and drawn out could they have possibly made it, perhaps they ran out of dialogue?) I start to notice wafts of smelliness hitting my nostrils - and we ain't talking odors of the Calvin Klein / Chanel denomination, oh no. Seems intrusive boy has now morphed into stinky pillock - he is farting continuously and it stinks. In fact after 20 mins of covert annihilation of every single clean air molecule in my immediate vicinity I'm about ready to get up, pretend to go to the loo, come back and sit the other side of Phil. But no, I can't do that because if I do any other film buff sat near us will automatically assume its me gassing everyone to death. So I sit and suffer instead.

So I'm sat in a cinema, with a malodorous freak to my left, watching a film which is so drawn out its painful, and my arse has given up the ghost completely - I feel like I've been sitting on a bed of nails for the past hour. It's not surprising then what a relief it was to finally see Darth Vader get his makeover and Yoda go into exile.

Thankfully the evening is much more interesting, considerably comfortable and a lot less smelly :)

Posted by Abi on the May 28, 2005 9:51 PM

sjon at May 31, 2005 6:57 AM