Suspicion

I must look guilty AND have a guilty complex!

Hooorah! A day off work (not like that's anything new)! So I've a full day to do "stuff".

Well in fact the only "stuff" I manage to do is wrap some parcels up to send to a friend and do the shopping. The first job goes very well up to the point where I run out of parcel tape. That means I have to go into town, which leaves me with 2 options. You see I'm wearing a pair of "doing stuff" jeans (ie. really tatty ones) upon which the zip has broken. It don't stay up anymore, which is no problem if I'm wearing them around the house. After all who is going to see me? Oooo ... urm... me. I really can't be bothered to change my whole outfit just to go into town, so in order to overcome the belly button peephole I'm currently donning I decide to put on a jumper which will cover the zip up. Brilliant idea, all I have to do is change my top. Which I do, the weather isn't great outside and it's a bit nippy and I shouldn't be too long either. Problem solved, so off I go into town.

No sooner had I parked the car in town then the sun comes out. Blazing heat, and its 76 on the old relative humidity scale. In other words, I currently fell like I'm running a marathon in a portable steam room from which there is no escape. As unbearable as it is, I do the jobs I have to do in town and head back to the car.

I Spy With My Little Eye...

Since I'm out and about, I decide to go do the grocery shopping. With Phil being home late these days it doesn't leave much time for us to do it in the week and I don't see why we should eat up weekend time if possible in order to do a mundane task such as shopping. Besides, the supermarket is air conditioned so the thought of hauling a shopping trolley around suddenly becomes quite appealing.

So there I am, minding my own business looking at carrots and I hear the kind of noise a police radio would make when its on an open frequency... kind of "beep boop". Don't think much of it so I move onto the bread isle and as I'm eying up some croissants I hear the noise again. This time I think to myself, "well if that's their idea of undercover store security they are a bit crap, cover blown dude". And I wind my merry way onto the household products aisle. No sooner am I looking at the fabric softener I hear the noise again. So now I'm thinking, Jesus, do I look that suspect that they are following me around the store? Are they that stupid that they think I'm gonna make a trolley dash with all of this stuff without paying?! A little uncomfortably then I make my way to the snacks aisle and in glorious harmony as soon as I pick up some monster munch I hear "beep boob". I glance around and see no one apart from and old lady summing up the pros and cons of salted and roasted peanuts.

By now I'm getting a bit pissed that I'd been singled out, and the fact that I could be made to feel guilty without actually doing anything. So I disappear down the dairy aisle with "beeb boob" close behind me, pick up some yoghurt's and go to the checkout.

Muffin's make the world go around, the world go around, the world go around!

I'm then making my way across the car park and FFS!!!!! BEEP BOOB, BEEP BOOB, BEEP BOOB!! That's it, I've had enough, if they are gonna stop me I'm gonna face them head on. I swing around only to discover nobody! So what the hell is the noise??? It's like an angry wasp I can't shake off! I check my pockets... nothing. I check my bag... ah ha! The noise is only my phone telling me the battery is going flat! Why the hell did they make the noise sound like that! Gits! My car is like that too, when the turbo kicks in it sounds like the police are after you with a siren on. Maybe its me, maybe I just have a guilty complex!

With my brush with the imaginary police over, I pack the car, go home and unload the shopping. I then bake some muffins to make me feel better, which they did, very nice thank you Betty Crocker!

Posted by Abi on the July 28, 2005 10:01 PM